If You Were A Man From U.N.C.L.E. – pointers by GF Willmetts (article).

March 1, 2015 | By | Reply More

UNCLE-card

Give THRUSH agents an even chance rather than hiding behind a sheet of bullet-proof glass.

All American male agents should restrain themselves from the female gender.

By ‘illegally entering’, this also includes climbing drainpipes, entering through windows and burning locks of locked rooms and examining of any documentation within.

All UNCLE agents should include mountaineering and abseiling in their CVs.

All UNCLE agents prepare for a shower or bath wearing their socks and shoes.

All UNCLE agents should carry emergency gas masks.

If all official buildings are as quiet as the graveyard then they warrant a further examination.

UNCLE agents can illegally enter premises, steal property and do not have to read their rights to anyone they apprehend although shooting them with a tranquilliser dart is permitted.

Using your real names when undercover is hardly a good cover.

It is easy to spot UNCLE and THRUSH operatives abroad as they drive American cars.

All UNCLE agents should remember that the abbreviation of Headquarters no longer contain an ‘S’’.

All UNCLE animal agents should be issued with identification badges.

Napoleon Solo should remember to change his hair style parting from left to right, back and right to left on a regular basis.

No matter the circumstances or danger, UNCLE agents should complete their reports before signing off with their pen communicator.

Hope that your sat-nav’s are accurate. There are a lot of ‘Somewhere’s out there.

On retirement, all male UNCLE agents should return their sexual equipment.

 GF Willmetts

somewhere between 2013-2015

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About the Author ()

Geoff Willmetts has been editor at SFCrowsnest for some 15 plus years now, showing a versatility and knowledge in not only Science Fiction, but also the sciences and arts, all of which has been displayed here through editorials, reviews, articles and stories. With the latter, he has been running a short story series under the title of ‘Psi-Kicks’ If you want to contribute to SFCrowsnest, read the guidelines and show him what you can do. If it isn’t usable, he spends as much time telling you what the problems is as he would with material he accepts. This is largely how he got called an Uncle, as in Dutch Uncle. He’s not actually Dutch but hails from the west country in the UK.

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